I stopped making resolutions years ago. I saw no point in making resolutions only to break them a few hours later. That said, whenever a year is dead and buried, I sit back and critically review it. What did I do right? Where did I go wrong? What could I've done better? Having done a thorough review, I then make plans for the newly born year.

Not too many plans, mind you. Just one or two major ones. This year, for example, I just have one major one.

No, I've no intention of joining that bunch of kleptocratic megalomaniacs otherwise called Malawian politicians. In fact, were it left up to me, we would get rid of all of them.

No, I was born once and have no intention of getting born again during this or any other year. While I may go to church this year, should a friend or relative get hitched or bite the dust, I can't honestly claim that being a regular church goer features anywhere near my list of priorities for 2008. My list of one, remember?

My major preoccupation in 2008 will be to reduce my personal contribution to global warming. Lest you think otherwise, let me point out that unlike George Bush come-lately, I've always believed our globe is getting warmer. I can still recall frozen taps while in boarding school, but that's a story for another day.

Engaging in a personal war against global warming shouldn't be construed to mean I'll refuse to hope on a plane and insist on hoofing it to Abuja, Dubai or Sydney. After all, my carbon footprint is nowhere near Al Gore's. In any case, I already do enough walking between my house and the office.

What I intend to do is simple. Forthwith, I'll stop eating veggies! I'll still be cultivating them, but that's as far as my relationship with them will go. I'll no longer be eating them. I'll also impose a total veggie embargo in my house.

You see, veggies are vegetation, pure and simple. Vegetation absorbs carbon dioxide which is a major contributor to global warming, right? So why should I continue to take part in its wanton destruction in the name of nutrition? Why should I continue participating in devegatation, if I may coin a word, for the sake of a few vitamins?

Instead, I intend to consume as much beef as possible. After all, by eating a lot of beef, I will not only have ensured my personal non-involvement in devegetation, but more importantly, I'll have contributed to the reduction in the number of cows on earth. Cows are herbivorous, right? So don't you agree that their eating habits are a major contributor to global warming?

Believe me, this hasn't been an easy decision for me because even though I'm not an out and out vegetarian, I love veggies. I love them not just for their nutrients. After all I can always pop supplements. But even if my body succumbs to malnutrition and packs up, I'll have died for a good cause.

Don't you agree?

 

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    Children, too, can have profound thoughts
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    The Three Little Hills (Phiris)